Why I am Better at Sports Betting than You, pt. 5

Straight, No Chaser

Let’s check back in with VFW Joe, our favorite degenerate loser.

Joe has decided to try his hand at MLB betting. I mean, how hard could it be? He played baseball, he plays fantasy baseball, he is a die-hard Pirates fan…Joe KNOWS the game. Joe also loves him some Wild Turkey. Believe me, he KNOWS his whiskey, too.

Tonight, Joe is betting the Tigers on the -1.5 Run Line (the Tigers ALWAYS score a ton of runs at home when the temp is over 85 and the wind is out). He even bet that Miggy will homer at +690 (Miggy is due).

The night is going well: Joe is pounding his Turkey and chasing it down with $1 Natty drafts, the Tigers are up 3, and Miggy has two PA’s left. Joe is riding high.

In the top of the 7th, the Tiger’s pen has given up a HR to the 8 hitter and Joe has ordered a double shot. He is still ok (he has a 2 run lead and Miggy is due up), he is going to cash his HR Prop and the Tiger’s pen will get it done.

Miggy hits a deep fly ball and the wind is carrying it out!!!! Wait! Fuck! Just short. Joe can’t fucking believe it. He is yelling in the bar, and the other degenerate assholes can’t believe Joe’s bad luck, he only needed another 6 inches! Fuck it…Joe grabs another shot with a Natty chaser. Why do bad things only happen to him?!

As you might have guessed, Miggy K’s in his next PA and the Tigers win by 1.

Joe is a drunk loser again.

But, there is still the Dodgers’ game at 10! Joe decides to parlay the LAD game with a 3am cricket match a buddy tells him is a lock. Remember: Joe loves to chase his whiskey, and as it turns out, his bets, he just needs this parlay to get back to even. This night, just like all others, Joe ends up face down in his own vomit, broke, and drunk on cheap booze. Joe is a loser.

Betting run lines to “save” juice, betting HR props, and chasing losses is a sure way to end up face down on a bar. Don’t be a loser like Joe, take your shots (and your bets) straight and skip the chaser.